I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize