She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
