Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
