So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize