Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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