Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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