my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
