its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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