You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
