I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
