i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
