tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
