New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
