Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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