I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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