I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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