Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I know her cup size but not her name....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
