"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
