He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
