I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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