The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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