I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
