the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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