She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
