your room smells of hookers.
And success
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
