how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
