This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
