My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
