this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
