So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
