yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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