i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How does one acquire holy water?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
