go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I faked an abortion last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
not ubering you a puppy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
