why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
