Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
