i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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