What did we do last night that was yellow?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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