did you get engaged???
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
