I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
