Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
