Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
