i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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