Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
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True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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