This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
