Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
