I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize