I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
