please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
