when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
