if only i could text you this smell
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
