my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
