Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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