We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
