Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
