I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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