yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
