Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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