The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
