ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
