Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
