I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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