i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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