it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
40s are totally the cure
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
