I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
