I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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