Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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