So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
