Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize