all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
