Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
