Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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